Wealth and Wisdom

Frustration

It all boiled over. They were not really mad to each other, but one night it all came to a head.

When I talked to Bob the next day he was exhausted. They had talked – and sometimes shouted – into the wee hours of the morning, but it wasn’t tired due to lack of sleep. He was drained emotionally.

Bob and his wife had spent the last two years trying to start an internet business. They spent a couple hours each day on web design, blogging, etc…They read ebooks and watched videos. They bought books and attended seminars. Month after month they poured their heart and soul into their business, but it was for nothing. They had made no money to date and felt lost.

As we talked he revealed how much it had taken out of them, and that they felt lost. They were trying thing after thing, applying the advice from a dozen gurus, and it was pulling them in too many directions.

But they could only see their biggest problem when they looked in the mirror. After quite a bit of soul searching, Bob started to accept that he was the problem. He was sabotaging the business in hundreds of little ways. It was never conscious, and there wasn’t any one thing you could put your finger on.

Image by serhio

A problem facing many entrepreneurs just about everyone

Bob isn’t the only person with this challenge. Heck, it’s been one of my biggest issues. There are many reasons we get in the way of our success, but they can usually be distilled down to three main categories:

• Fear: This is probably the main reason, and often the fear is so subtle that we don’t consciously see it.
  • Failure: this is pretty self explanatory. You put a lot at risk when you try to start a business. This can be everything from your life’s savings to friendships to your professional reputation.
  • Success: why would succeeding be scary? Because we are worried about what others will think. Will my friends no longer want to spend time with me? Will my neighbors think I’m getting pretentious? Will my family start to expect me to support them financially and become their private welfare system or bank?
  • Uncertainty: no one knows what will happen. This uncertainty can be frightening in an of itself. I know I’ve lost sleep stressing over two possible outcomes-and both were good for me!
  • Embarrassment: what will the neighbors think? Will my family ridicule me? Will my friends stop hanging out with me? If I fall flat on my face what will everyone else say?
• DIY syndrome: most fledgling entrepreneurs are good workers. We get to this point in our life by standing on our own. This very trait makes it hard to outsource or delegate. Add to this the fact that we are usually pretty good at (and enjoy) all the minute tasks, and it makes it hard to let someone else take them over. The problem is that we become buried in the minutia instead of focusing on our high value tasks. As a result we never focus on the truly important, we spend all our time on the trivial, and our business flounders.
• Lack of confidence: many of our setbacks in life can trace back to a lack of confidence. If we don’t think we are capable or deserving, it makes us tentative and unwilling to try.

So what can I do?

Over the years I’ve learned a basic five step process to overcome this:

1. Recognize the issue: knowing you have a problem is the first step. Without this you don’t know what needs fixed and what to do next. Just acknowledging your fears and roadblocks is a major part of the solution.
2. Know what you want to accomplish. I’m talking about your major life’s purpose. Not having a purpose is like leaving Atlanta without knowing your destination. You wouldn’t be that stupid, so why do most people run their lives (and businesses) that way? Without a destination you are aimless and drift wherever life blows you.
   • What do you stand for and what do you want out of life?
   • How does your business fit into this?
   • Why are you in business?
   • What do you want your business to look like in the next few years?
3. List all your fears and write down the worst case scenario. It’s amazing what we are afraid of, and how improbable these doomsday visions are. Often you will find that your fears are minor and unlikely. If they are real, then you need to take steps to ensure they won’t happen and to minimize their impact on your life.
4. Write down the main jobs in your business and rank them by their value to your business. Focus 80% of your time on the high value jobs (usually sales, marketing, product development, and leadership). Outsource or delegate the remainder.
5. Work on improving your self confidence. There are a lot of tools out there to help, from books to tape series to seminars. And since confidence is built on our successes, you need to start succeeding. Go ahead and start small. Set a goal to get up at a certain time and do it. Pick up the phone and make that call you’ve been dreading. Take the first item on your task list and make it happen.

I met Norman two years ago. When we first started talking it was purely business. He needed good people to represent his company and we were looking for a great deal on equipment. Norman was the regional representative for Ektelon, the top racquetball equipment manufacturer. One of the main ways they promote their product and the sport is to sponsor players. In exchange for a great deal on equipment, the players are loyal to the brand, using only their equipment, wearing clothing with the company emblem, acting as ambassadors, selling equipment to players at the club.

It started out as a business relationship: he gained a team member who was a top salesman and teacher, he gained a top junior player with a ton of potential and a great attitude, we got a great deal on the best equipment in the world and a chance to be part of the team. Slowly, over the course of a couple years, this evolved into a mentorship. Every couple weeks we get together and play. Sometimes it turns into a full fledged lesson. Sometimes, while playing, he nudges us to play at a higher level.

What we have found is that the mentorship far outweighs any material gain, and the material gain is significant (this year alone we received almost $800 in equipment). The interesting thing is that this goes in both directions. We have become better players and leaders in our sport. We have a better understanding of why we play and what we want to accomplish. He gains a great deal of satisfaction from watching our progress. You can hear the pride in his voice whenever he says “son, you’re playing so much better!”

This is just one example of where a mentor has enriched my life. At several points in my career I’ve had people who actively showed me how to manage, lead, or sell.

Your mentor must profit as well

A one way relationship will not last. Your mentor must receive equal value, sometimes in cash, often in pride and satisfaction. My mentors gained in a wide range of ways. All had the satisfaction of watching me grow. Some were my manager, and my growth helped them achieve their business goals. One was able to take a promotion knowing he left the organization in capable hands.

Another way mentors grow is by learning from you. Sometimes this is because the teacher usually learns more than the student. Other times, they were weak in my area of strength, allowing me to return the favor.

Be a mentor to grow

Mentoring someone can be amazing. You feel so good helping someone grow. You are incredibly proud as you see them achieve higher and higher levels of success. Sometimes there is a financial gain, but this usually is a fringe benefit.

Probably the biggest way I personally benefit from being a mentor is my own growth. It is impossibly to walk away without becoming a better man.

How do I find a mentor?

This is the hard part. Sometimes you stumble on them and may not even realize you are being mentored. This often happens when you work for a good boss or business partner.

Most of the time you have to seek them out. Decide what you need help with and find someone who does it well. Find a way to get to know them. Be open to suggestions and ask their advice. Let them know how much you appreciate their help and support.

Often the hardest part is finding a way to get to know them. Some creative ways are:

• If it is business mentorship: develop an idea that is complementary to their market or area of expertise. Approach them to joint venture making it clear that you value their business experience as much as anything else.
• Another business mentorship idea: go to work for the mentor. If you do it right your mentor will take you under their wing and show you the ropes.
• Find out what activities they are involved in, then put yourself in their path. It is much easier to approach a fellow member of a charitable organization (or country club, etc) than a complete stranger.
• Look for connections. Do you have a common friend? How about a friend of a friend? It is always easier to be introduced that to make a cold call!
• Call them and ask. This may be the hardest way but can be quite effective. They should be impressed that you had the courage and initiative, and they should be flattered that you seek their advice.

When all else fails

Sometimes you just can’t find someone to help. Maybe it’s because you are just starting out and have so few contacts. Maybe your circle of friends and associates just walk in different circles.

I have personally run into this with our online businesses. I know sales. I understand my industry and business. My challenge is that internet marketing is an entirely new area for me. Trying to find internet entrepreneurs is a challenge. Oh, I can find them in forums and blogs. I’m talking about someone to sit down with and have a cup of coffee. And when I do find someone who has a business online I often find they know as little as me.

When you can’t find a mentor, one of the best things to do is go to your local book store. You gain much of the same benefit and wisdom from books. Just be sure to seek out books by (or about) people who have done it. Most books are written by academics. While they have a lot of knowledge it’s all based on book learning. You need someone who has been there, done that, and who can guide you through the challenges the real world throws your way.

A couple weeks back I wrote about the need to take responsibility for your life. My post It’s all your fault touched on taking responsibility and how it can have a big impact on your life. Though it is a simple concept it has a profound effect on y0u life. In fact, you could say it is the foundation for all personal development.

What I didn’t go into was how it applies to business. Everyone is hit with the same problems, losing a top customer, having your best salesman quit to work for a competitor, watching bad economic conditions hurt our business. What differentiates the top performers is how they respond to stimuli and events.

Why some companies win while others lose

80% of companies refuse to take responsibility for the situation. They tell the board of directors that the economy is hitting everyone just as hard, it isn’t their fault that sales are down, hiding from responsibility, avoiding the blame.

The best 20% find solutions and opportunities. They realize that the economy stinks and will affect sales. The difference is that they know that they can choose their response. They can train their salesmen to find ways to help their customers be more efficient, more effective, and more profitable. They can proactively trim the fat from the budget without cutting into the things that matter: quality, service, and increasing sales. Instead of coming in with excuses and complaints they arrive to solve the problem.

The interesting thing is that the top 4% (the top 20% of the top 20%) magnify this attitude. These are the mavericks that dare to grow in the face of a recession. They focus so intently on their customer and his needs that nothing else matters. They help their customer weather the downturn, finding opportunities and solutions, never needing to cut margins or prices to keep their business.

This applies to every level of life and business

Everyone – from the receptionist to the CEO – can apply this attitude. Stop blaming others. Stop complaining. Start looking at what you are doing well and do it more. Ask yourself where you are deficient and cut it out. At the lowest levels of a company it will help you keep your job. At the highest levels it will help you keep the company and everyone’s job!

Ok, maybe the title was a bit over the top. That doesn’t detract from the truth, it doesn’t make it less valid, and it doesn’t lessen the importance of this basic personal development truth:

You need to take responsibility for your life.

Everything that happens to you, good and bad, can be traced back to your choices.

Sometimes this is obvious. My boss says something I don’t like so I punch him in the face. The result…I get fired (and maybe spend some quality time in the county lockup).

Other times it is more subtle. For example, you have a coworker that is usually late in turning in their part of a project. Do you confront them? Do you (professionally) say anything to them at the beginning of the project? Most people just let it slide to avoid the conflict. Guess what, your inaction is a choice that affects the outcome.

Time management is the central skill of success. Your ability to manage your time, to focus and channel your energies on your highest value tasks, will determine your rewards and your level of accomplishment in life more than any other factor.

Save Hundreds of Hours and Thousands of Dollars in Personal Advancement
Your mind is your most precious asset. You must be continually working to increase the quality of your thinking. One of the best ways is to turn driving time into learning time. Listen to educational CDs or audio cassettes in your car. The average driver, according to the American Automobile Association, drives 12,000 to 25,000 miles each year, spending 500 to 1000 hours that you spend each year in your car. That is the equivalent of 12 1/2 to 25 forty-hour weeks. This is the same as two full university semesters spent behind the wheel of your car each year.

Use Traveling Time as Learning Time

If you did nothing but use that traveling time as learning time, this decision alone could make you one of the best educated people of your generation. Many people have gone from rags to riches simply by listening to audio programs as they drive to and from work.

Attend Every Seminar

In addition, for personal and professional development, you should attend every seminar you can. You can often save yourself 100′s of hours of reading and researching by attending a seminar given by an authority in his or her field. You can learn ideas, techniques and methods that can save you hours, days, even months of hard work and research on your own.

Increase Your Earnings

Remember, to earn more, you must learn more. Your outer world of results will always correspond to your inner world of preparation. Continuous learning is the minimum requirement for success in any field.

Action Exercises

Now, here are two things you can do to put these ideas to work in your life immediately.

First, purchase an audio program that can help you to be happier and more effective today. Begin listening to it immediately. Resolve never to listen to music in your car when you can turn driving time into learning time.

Second, seek out seminars and training programs given by experts in your field. Sit close to the front, take careful notes, and apply the best ideas that you learn immediately.

About the author

Brian Tracy is one of my all time favorite experts. Over the years I’ve used a lot of his stuff so I can personally attest to their effectiveness. What Brian Tracy products have I used?

• The Psychology of Achievement (one of my favorite self-help programs)
• Science of Self Confidence (great self-help book that helps eliminate doubt and fear)
• Advanced Selling Strategies (great for anyone who wants to be better at selling)
• Ultimate Goals Program (hands down the most complete goals program out there)
• Eat That Frog (great for those of us who procrastinate)
• Million Dollar Habits (great basic success book)

Bottom line is that he is the best when it comes to sales, self-improvement, and success. I’ve yet to get something by Brian that was less than fantastic.

This week Brian is offering his new Eat That Frog! Training kit at a reduced rate for Wealth and Wisdom subscribers. You get 1 Book, 6 CDs, 1 Workbook for 48% off.

Eat That Frog! Training Kit