Wealth and Wisdom

I was at lunch with an old friend the other day and the conversation turned to college. Len had the dubious honor of having his two daughters attend Baylor. While the school is top notch it is by no means affordable. Even with merit scholarships the cost was staggering. The thing that was causing the most stress was that his oldest daughter was nearing graduation. Instead of entering the workforce she was asking to continue and get her masters degree.

After discussing it for a while I asked Len point blank “if you were interviewing her would the degree make much of a difference?” We both focused on our lunches while he mulled things over. After a minute or two he looked up and said “you know, I don’t think it would matter that much. The degree is important but I look at the person more than the school. I would rather see real world experience than a masters degree. An advanced degree means much more when it comes after they have some experience.”

This got me thinking about my own experience. I truly value my education. I know having both a BS in business and in engineering has opened doors. In spite of that I have found my experience makes me stand out and helped me the most.

It also got me thinking about whether the traditional college degree is worth it. There is no doubt you will earn more with a degree. What I question is whether a prestigous degree is truely worth more in the long run. The studies I’ve seen don’t show much of a salary increase. It defininitely doesn’t appear to justify the significantly higher price!

These questions gain even more importance in light of the economy. If the job market tightens you may need every advantage you can get. Having a degree may be necessary to keep up let alone get ahead. It also is a time where money is tight. College can become a financial burden that breaks you, so how do you get a needed education without going bankrupt?

What is your experience? Have you seen a difference because of an advanced degree? In your experience does a degree from an elite institution have enough value to justify the cost? What about alternatives like attending community college for two years and transfering to a four year university? What about distance learning programs. I’m not talking about degree mills, I talking about fully accredited programs.

You are so lucky that your children are well behaved

This drives me nuts as chance has nothing to do with their behavior. It is the decade and a half of parenting that created polite/well adjusted children. It is simple though sometimes not easy. We set boundaries and expectations. When these are violated there are consequences. This is done is a loving manner and is wildly effective.

I hear this in other areas of my life as well. You are so lucky to have such a great customer base. You are so luck to have such a great family. You are so lucky to be in such good shape. I can’t believe you always get lucky and beat me at racquetball.

The key thing that these people don’t understand is that my luck has nothing to do with chance.

Wise advise from a mentor

Years ago I got some strange advice from a friend. Ironically I had just told him that I envied his luck (he had just landed a sweet promotion). “Brandt, you make your own luck. Remember, luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”

Since then I have heard this mantra from almost every productivity/self-help guru. It has been a keystone to my sucess. I truely believe it is a basic fact of life.

A (not so) secret to my success

It isn’t just parenting that I’ve applied this concept. I try and do it in all aspects of my life.

In sales I quickly evaluate the customer and determine if we are a good fit. If we are I make deep connections at all levels of the company. I help them develop their projects. I earn their business months before a purchase is made. I follow up and make sure projects stay on track.

I’m healthy and in good shape because I take steps every day to ensure this. I exercise daily. I eat a healthy diet (though I’m a bit addicted to ice cream). I do my best to rest and relax on a regular basis. I have a plan to continually improve my fitness level.

In racquetball I have gone from being a novice to being a sponsored “B” player who won third in nationals this year. I evaluate my game and determine where I need improvements. I practice several times a week and focus on improving one area at a time.

Yep. It’s luck!

A while back I wrote a post on making small changes. The theory was to make small but important changes and spend 3 - 4 weeks building them into a habit. Only when they are part of your routine do you move on to the next change.

The individual effect of each change may be small but they snowball and have a profound effect over time. One example is getting in shape. It really is a series of changes:

• Diet: Take your pick of low carb/high protein, low fat, watching your calories, or just eating healthy. Heck, this alone is several change.
  • Eating multiple meals
  • Eating quality food
  • Changing the composition of your diet
  • Controlling portion size
  • Dealing with cravings
• Exercise: Again, this is several changes.
  • Getting up early to exercise before work
  • Lifting weights to increase lean body mass
  • Aerobic exercise to increase lung capacity and burn calories (I prefer intervals)
  • Stretching to increase range of motion and prevent injury
• Lifestyle changes to lead a more healthy and active life
  • Picking up a sport you enjoy
  • Walking and taking the stairs more often
  • Spending more time outside in the sun
  • Eliminating unhealthy activities (bar hopping comes to mind)

Is it any wonder people quit after a few weeks? This is a lot for a person to change all at once!

My changes

The first month I committed to starting each day with a plan. Note I said nothing about execution or setting up an elaborate system. Just a simple list of what I wanted to accomplish. For two weeks I was spot on. Week three saw me in the middle of a major household project as we installed hardwood flooring throughout our downstairs. While I didn’t start each day with a plan I knew what I would be doing! Week four was on target again.

While my execution was less than perfect this was not what I was focusing on. Even with imperfect execution I saw a significant increase in productivity.

Last month I focused on starting each day with a workout. I kind of cheated on this as I also introduced two changes: getting up an hour early and an intense workout routine. This quickly sorted itself out as I dropped the early to rise part!

All in all I was diligent with this change. I missed one day completely, but that was planned and not an issue. I skipped my Kenpo workout since I had a racquetball tournament. I figured the three hours of exercise more than made up any I skipped!

What’s next?

This month is all about organization. We tore apart our home office to be more organized and efficient. I have implemented a Get Things Done (GTD) approach to my day. No this is not two changes. The office was a project we had been planning for quite some time. Only when it was completed did I make the next change!

My plan is not to become a GTD disciple. It is to get the work flow under control. It is to gain a level of structure and order. I ultimately will be doing a top down approach (most likely 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I truly believe we are more effective when we focus on what is important not just what is on our list. It just becomes challenging when you are dealing with a massive influx of information, tasks, and projects.

My modification

I also applied this to my racquetball game. Since this was a discrete area of my life I made the changes in parallel to the ones above. What did I change? The first month I worked on my shot selection. The end result was my taking second in a regional tournament.

Last month I reworked my swing. This one took it’s tole on my game and it was only after several weeks that I was back to where I started. In the long run it will have a profound impact on my game as I become more familiar with hitting the ball right!

This month I’ll be working on footwork.

What about you?

Did you make any changes? Why not? Think of how far this one idea can take you. In one year you would make 12 important changes that could change your life.

I attended the funeral of a customer yesterday. It is never an easy thing to do.

I would say friend but that is a term I save for those closest to me. I knew him well but in a business sense. He did a great job segregating his life and this fit my personality well. Today I’m left with the specter of this and will never get a chance to see the other side of him first hand.

Normally I change names to protect the innocent. I’m not doing this today in his honor and memory.

9 observations from a funeral

1) Mitch had many friends

I was stunned by how many people came to say goodbye. I can only hope that when it is my turn I am so lucky.

2) I knew so little about him

Mitch and I knew each other pretty well. What I found amazing was hearing the stories told by family and friends. As well as I knew him it only scratched the surface.

3) 80% of what was said about him was work related

Mitch led a full life but it shocked me how much of it was work related.

4) He was deeply devoted to his family

Story after story were told about how he was such a generous uncle/father/brother/son/husband. He deeply touched so many people and left his mark on this world.

5) His death could have been avoided

Mitch never exercised and love to eat well. Contributing to his health problems was his work and lifestyle. For almost 30 years Mitch worked behind a desk or eating with a customer.

6) No mother should bury her son.

7) Jack had a hole in his jacket

My mind latched onto this minor point as an attempt to escape the pain and sorrow. It is amazing how hard our mind will work to avoid pain.

8) His sister asked us to celebrate his life and not mourn his death

I want to be remembered for the things I did and accomplished. I want to be remembered for my good heart. I want my family to remember me for being a good husband and father.

9) Funerals are for the survivors

Mitch is dead and gone. I know he would have preferred a bunch of smaller gatherings filled with good wine, great food, and his close friends and family.

But that isn’t what his friends and family needed. They needed closure and a chance to say goodbye.

What I learned

• To love my family deeply
• To balance my life
• To create deep friendships
• To be as healthy as I can
• To live each day fully
• To get to know my customers even better

I’m a people watcher. I love watching the interplay-and conflicts-that arise due to different personality styles.

It is especially fun to watch people like Mack and Bill at meetings.

Mack is a pragmatic New Yorker with no patience for anything that gets in the way of making a decision. Just give me the facts is one of his catchphrases.

Bill is a southerner through and through. As an amiable he is more interested in how it would affect his workers. Adding fuel to the fire is his need to answer any question with a drawn out w e l l .

After a few minutes of frustration on both sides I step in.

How do I talk to two people with entirely different needs?

Bill and Mack speak different languages. I’m not talking about languages like Swedish and Russian. I’m talking about how they process information and make decisions.

First I identified their personality styles so I understood how to address individual needs. In this case Mack is looking for facts and data in a concise form. Bill is looking for emotional information in detail.

Once I know how they think and what they need it is relatively easy to match their style. With a little practice this becomes second nature.

It’s not just for salesmen and managers…

People often avoid learning communication skills because they don’t feel they need it for their jobs.

“I’m an estimator not a salesman.”

“I’m not is customer service.”

“I’m just a worker bee.”

They miss the point that this is a skill that will improve every aspect of your life.

• Is your husband driving you nuts with excessive details (get on with it already!)?
• Do you find it irritating that your friend makes flighty decisions based on emotion but no facts?
• Does your boss drive you crazy by coming up with wild new plans but never following through
• Does your coworker cut you off mid explanation and tell you to get to the point?

Chances are good that this conflict is a direct result of different personality styles. Each style has different needs, both in the amount and the type of information. Once you learn to understand this you can figure out more effective ways to communicate.

For example: my wife is a pragmatic and I am an analytical. I’ve learned to give her an executive summary. If she needs more info she will ask for it.

We’ve learned to accept and accommodate each other’s styles and needs. Over time we’ve come to appreciate our different approaches and how they complement each other.

She has likewise learned to accept my need for data. She knows I need to research things before I decide. While her quick decisions are usually right there have been several occasions where I have saved us from making serious mistakes.

Four personality styles

Most people don’t fall completely into one category, but they do tend to have one overriding tendency. One of the easiest ways to visualize the differences between personalities is to put them on a graph. The vertical axis is their decision making criteria (data or feelings). The horizontal axis is their assertiveness.

• Analytical:
  • Traits: Systematic, organized, and deliberate. Analyticals need facts and data. Logic prevails over emotion. They like systems and procedures. Analyticals are slow to make decisions (paralysis by analysis) but decisions are extremely sound. Dependable workers they tend to be independent and not work well in teams.
  • Typical careers: programmers, engineers, and accountants.
  • Goal: intellectual recognition
  • Keyword: Thinking
  • Favorite question is what?
  • Pro: precise, methodical, organized, rational, detail oriented
  • con: critical, formal, uncertain, judgmental, picky
  • Bottom line: want things done right.
• Pragmatic:
  • Traits: Tends to be leaders. Often called drivers they are practical and focused on results. Pragmatics are direct, to the point, and do a lot in a short time. They are decisive, driven, and results driven. Pragmatics have compassion for the truly disadvantaged but no patience for “lazy whiners.”
  • Typical careers: manager, lawyer, banker
  • Goal: find practical solutions to problems
  • Keyword: results
  • Favorite question is how?
  • pro: persistent, independent, decision maker, effective, strong willed
  • con: aggressive, strict, intense, relentless, rigid
  • Bottom line: produce results in a practical manner.
• Amiable:
  • Traits: Dependable, loyal, and easy going. They like things that are non-threatening and friendly. Amiables hate facts and details because they are cold and impersonal. Warm, sensitive, and wishy-washy. Amiables are rarely leaders but tend to make great followers and team players.
  • Typical careers: HR manager, social worker, physical therapist, counselor
  • Goal: create harmony and cooperation
  • Keyword: feelings
  • Favorite question is why?
  • pros: cooperative, dependable, warm, listener, negotiator
  • cons: undisciplined, dependent, submissive, overly cautious, conforming
  • Bottom line: things need to be done harmoniously and they need to be personally involved.
• Extrovert:
  • Traits: Outgoing, enthusiastic, and high energy. Extroverts are great idea generators without follow through. They enjoy helping and socializing. Talker, overly dramatic, impulsive, and manipulative. Money motivated. They tend to direct and control not ask and listen.
  • Typical careers: politician, musician, sales
  • Goals: making things happen by turning ideas into action
  • Keyword: action
  • Favorite question is What if?
  • pro: enthusiastic, persuasive, outgoing, positive, communicator
  • cons: ego centered, emotional, exploitive, opinionated, reacting.
  • Bottom line: things done with a sense of drama and style.

Conflicts due to personality styles

Amiable vs. Analytical
—-
Pragmatic vs. Extrovert

The challenge with these personality style interacts is the type of information needed. Amiables and extroverts make decisions based on emotions and feelings. Analyticals and pragmatics need cold hard facts.

Analytical vs. Pragmatic
—-
Extrovert vs. Amiable

The conflict comes from the amount of information needed. Analyticals and amiables need an endless supply of information. Pragmatics and extroverts need just enough to make the decision (anything more and they have already moved on).

Amiable vs. Pragmatic
—-
Analytical vs. Extrovert

The conflict is much worse with these match ups. In these cases you have a mismatch with both the type and amount of information.

So how do I apply this to my life?

Start with the people closest to you. These are the people you know best and interact with the most. This both makes it easier (because you know them so well) and increases the impact on your life. Once you have mastered this start applying it to other people you meet. With practice and time this will become automatic.

Once you have identified their personality style you need to start addressing their needs. Remember the basics:

• Analyticals and pragmatics need data. Emotions and feelings count but are data points.
• Amiables and extroverts focus on emotions and feelings. Cold hard facts have little meaning to them.
• Analyticals and amiables need time and information to make decisions.
• Pragmatics and extroverts make quick decisions. Don’t overload them with information unless they ask for more.

Is this manipulation?

No!

All you are learning to do is be more considerate. You are essentially giving others what they want most and dealing with them on their terms.

• All things being equal the one who wants it the most usually wins: During the racquetball tournament last weekend I beat several people who were as good as me. One probably was better. In the end I wanted it more and took second place.
• Usually the better player wins: I lost the final match to a player who spanked me. No matter how hard I played I just couldn’t overcome his superior skills.
• Basic skills do matter: My back hurts. I almost couldn’t walk. It is time I go back to basics and work on my swing mechanics and footwork. I’m using my back too much and my court movement is mediocre. I will not improve any further until I make changes.
• Some people are better sports than others: Most of the guys at the tournament were pretty cool. A couple were grade a jerks. Guess who I enjoyed beating? Guess who I’ll go out of my way to talk to next month?
• Even if you have 16 available hours a day to get things done you can still only accomplish so much: I had a lot of stuff go on over the last couple weeks. No matter how hard I tried it was just too much for one person. You need to know your limits and learn to say no.
• My abdominals hurt: Why oh why did I start my new workout regime? Oh, I remember. I’m tired of being in good shape. I want to be in the best shape of my life. Not so the girls ohh and ahh. It’s so I can:
  • Be the best I can be. \
  • Stay healthy as I get older (I’m approaching a milestone).
  • Set a good example for my kids.
  • Have more energy.
  • Be the best racquetball player and athlete I can.
• Do the right things and good things happen: I have several areas of my life where I am focusing on the basics and doing the right things to the best of my ability. As a natural consequence good things are happening:
  • I am in the top 5% of salesmen in my company and improving.
  • Our subscribers at Wealth and Wisdom are growing around 9% a week.
  • I just had a comment that touched me deeply. Missy read How to respond when your family asks for money and it hit a nerve. It fit her life and was wisdom she needed.
  • My racquetball game is improving and I just was offered (and I accepted) a sponsorship.
  • UCLA has requested to use some of my work at their business school and career center.

Have a good weekend

I personaly plan on shutting down the computer and not firing it back up until Monday. Yes, I’m taking a media vacation. Don’t worry, I’ll be back raring to go on Monday!

QBQ! The Question Behind the Question

John G. Miller. Putnam Publishing Group 2004, Hardcover, 128 pages, $6.15

Personal responsibility isn’t a new topic. It is a core topic for every self help and business guru’s system. Whether you are an entrepreneur or trying to make changes in your personal life responsibility is a key to success.

In QBQ John Miller takes a unique approach to this old topic. He looks at the questions we ask continuously throughout the day. Some we ask out loud: “When are you finally going to finish your project?” Some we ask ourselves: “Why does my boss always say one thing and do another?”

These questions are at the root of personal responsibility. A powerful question leads to action and improvement. A weak question leads to blame and procrastination. By becoming conscious of our internal and external dialog we become more effective. We become change agents. We become better leaders.

In a nutshell we make better choices moment to moment by asking better questions.

3 Guidelines to good questions

• The question must begin with a “what” or “how”
  • Leads to solutions.
  • Don’t ask why: Why is the word of victims. Why me? Why didn’t he finish on time? Why doesn’t he spend more time on my needs? This does nothing to solve the problem. It only adds to stress and worry.
  • Don’t ask when: When implies we have no control over the schedule. This leads to a loss of control and to procrastination.
  • Don’t ask Who: Who is the language of blame. You are basically looking for a scapegoat and it leads to finger pointing. John uses the old phrase “a poor sailor blames the wind.” This could be changed to fit any situation. For example, “a poor manager blames his workers.”
• The question must contain an I
  • I can change only me: The key is to focus on what you can control. Your circle of influence begins with yourself. This is where you have the most influence. You can’t change others. You often can’t control events. It is only our thoughts and actions that we can really control.
  • Take ownership of the situation. Fix the problem and stop trying to blame others.
  • Have integrity: your actions and words must match. This means that you must do what you are asking of your employees. Also, what you say in the office and in your personal life need to match. If you can’t, you either need to enact change or find another place to work. Believe or leave. You must have integrity. What you say in the office and away need to match.

• The question must focus on action
  • People avoid action due to the perceived risk. Remember, there is risk in inaction as well.
  • Action solves the problem and moves things forward.
  • Action leads to learning and growth.
  • Action leads us toward solutions while inaction holds us in the past
  • Action requires courage while inaction is caused by fear.
  • Action builds confidence while inaction destroys it.

What if I’m not in a leadership position?

Leadership begins with personal accountability. He asserts that leaders can be found at all levels. It is something we see in sports all the time. There is often a critical player that helps make everyone else better. It is often a mid level role player, not the star or the team captain.

We see the same things in the businesss world as well. Look in any group and someone always stands out. This person is usually the go to guy (or gal) in the department. The interesting thing is that senority is not the main factor. It is the person who tends to find solutions.

In conclusion

I recommend this book to anyone looking to be more effective or who wants to be a better leader. All in all this is a well written book. The ideas are thought provoking and can be easily applied to all areas of your life. While it is a quick read John comprehensively covers the topic.

Note:This is one of the hardest things I’ve written about. I’ve personally gone through it and know how it can tear apart a family. In my case it was because I decided to help.

“Joe, you look awful.”

“Wow, is that a good way to greet a friend?” Joe asked me. “But now that you mentioned it, I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Joe then proceeded to tell me about his family situation and the stress it was causing. His brother wasn’t able to pay the rent-again-and came Joe for a loan.

“I’m getting tired of always having to bail him out. I love him, but loaning him another grand won’t solve his problem. And I’m getting tired of everyone assuming that because I run my own business I have money to loan them.” After a bitter chuckle, Joe added “I don’t know why I call it a loan. They never pay me back.”

It wasn’t the first time

Joe and I have been friends for years-heck, he gave me my start in sales! I was familiar with this drama in his family and saw it repeat several times a year. If it wasn’t his brother it was his cousin or uncle. One time their car was in the shop. Another time they were a bit short until payday.

It was like his family thought that because he was an entrepreneur he was their personal bank machine.

The straw that broke the camel’s back

This time things were different. The economic downturn was hitting Joe’s industry hard. He was struggling to keep the doors open, and the last thing he needed was this. In fact, the reason Joe and I were meeting was that I was advising him on his company’s sales and marketing.

Bottom line: he had nothing more to give.

Loaning money to your family is a lose-lose situation

When it comes to family, money, and loans you can’t win. You are a bad mother/son/brother (fill in the appropriate relationship) if you say no. It will poison your relationship even if you say yes. No matter what you do it can tear a family apart.

For entrepreneurs it can be even worse. People assume that just because you own the company that you are rich and that they are entitled. You can easily become their personal bank…or their welfare system.

With this in mind I’ve developed the following guidelines to help deal with the situation. Some sound cold and heartless, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. This is a decision that can have serious consequences. The decision must be based on facts and on what is best for everyone involved. Remember, the best answer is sometimes the one that hurts the most. People often tell me that the best thing that happened to them was that someone told them no. It forced them to grow up and solve the problem themselves.

7 Guidelines when family asks for money

1. Your not the bad guy…

You know the drill. The guilt is being applied. “Just this once…” “Don’t you love me?” You can afford it.” “Blood is thicker than water.” To make it worse other family members are calling you and asking why you won’t help.

You have done nothing wrong. They put you in a bad position, one that you often can’t win.

2. Step back and take a deep breath

The only thing that makes this so hard is that you are dealing with family. With anyone else it would be much easier. When family members ask you for money they don’t use logic. They push your buttons. This sets the stage for a major family crisis.

Now is not the time to make a decision based on feelings. You need to step away and get some space. If they push tell them you need time to think about it. If they keep pushing start asking them questions. This will put the responsibility back on their shoulders. Remember this is their problem. They are coming to you for a favor.

3. Separate emotion from fact

Now I know I’m going to get an earful about this. “It’s your mother. You owe her.” “How can you be so heartless?” “Don’t you love your family?” “Why do you hate your sister?”

Let me put that to rest right now. Decisions based on guilt rarely work out. Don’t be afraid to use decision making tools (I personally love a weighted pro/con list). Feelings and relationships are a factor, but the decision needs to stand on it’s own without the emotions to prop it up.

4. Am I helping or enabling?

This is tough because of the guilt involved. One thing to keep in mind is that often you are only making things worse by handing out money. People need to take responsibility for their own problems. In extreme cases they need to hit bottom before they can start to get better. In these cases the only way to help them is to stand firm.

Now I’m not saying you should always say no. You just need to make a clear headed logical decision that is in everyone’s best interests.

5. What are they doing to solve the problem?

Just bailing someone out won’t solve the problem. Are their expenses exceeding their income? Then they need to take steps to fix the problem. Do they have a gambling problem? Then they need to get help for the underlying addiction.

They need to take responsibility and be willing to fix their own problem. Otherwise this will come up again and again. Each time it will be a little worse.

6. You have the right to say no

Just because it is family doesn’t mean you are obligated to give them money. I hear the argument all the time that you should “honor you parents.” That doesn’t mean you are indebted to them for eternity. Yes you should respect and thank them for bringing you into this world. Just remember that this is a two way street. You deserve the same respect and appreciation as well.

Now most people have parents that gave them love and nurtured them. That is a different story. Then again, most people with loving parents aren’t put in this position.

You have to make the right decision for everyone involved. This needs to be based on facts, not some emotional tug at the heartstrings. If the right answer is no say no.

7. Always a gift never a loan

If you decide giving is the right decision make it a gift. You should never loan money to family. I don’t care if you get the terms in writing, you will never be able to enforce the contract. What are you going to do? Take them to court? I don’t care if they tell you they won’t take charity.

A loan will only poison the relationship. Each time you have to call to collect on the missed payment it will damage both of you. Even if you don’t have to make the call (unlikely) it will always get in the way of your family.

Note: a gift means no future expectations. You don’t have the right to ask for it back. They don’t owe you. You can’t use it for emotional leverage. It must be given freely.

Over the years I’ve made some amazing strides in personal development. It is always fun to look back a decade or two and see how far I’ve come. In spite of all the gains I have several areas where the improvements don’t stick. Time and time again I get committed to change only to see it unravel a couple weeks later. Heck, sometimes it comes apart in days!

F r u s t r a t i o n

I’ll be the first to admit that this drives me crazy. The worse part is that these are basic areas that would have a significant impact on my life. For example, I have had an enormous problem when it comes to time management. I start most weeks off with a bang, but run out of steam midweek. It doesn’t matter what tool I use. My wife jokes that I own more day runners than the average Franklin-Covey store!

The solution that I didn’t grasp at first

For quite a while I’ve been reading Leo at Zen Habits. Leo is a big proponent of breaking your goals into mini-goals and focusing on them one at a time. Ah, it all seems so clear now, but at the time I had the opposite opinion. I always tried to build mega goals that wrapped several smaller goals into one. Kill two birds with one stone was my mantra. Yet I fell down time and time again.

Then a couple weeks ago Leo posted Autopilot Achievement: How to Turn Your Goals Into Habits.

One thing at a time

When you are making a major change you really are setting many smaller goals. His premise is that we can only focus on a limited number of things at a time. Take weight loss as an example. This is a simple sounding goal, but when you look at what it involves it is really a series of steps:

• Daily exercise
  • Resistance training to build lean muscle mass
  • Cardio/interval training
  • Stretching
• Nutrition
  • Monitor your caloric intake.
  • Eat the right balance of food.
  • Multiple meals
• Stress reduction: stress hormones interfere with fat reduction and increase fat storage.
• Consistency: you need to eat well and exercise daily.

Is it any wonder this “simple goal” is so hard to obtain? It is really more than eight distinct goals!

Turn that goal into a habit

The solution that Leo offers is to break these major goals into what I call micro-goals. You then focus on one goal at a time for three to four weeks until it becomes a habit. Only then do you move onto the next micro-goal and repeat the process.

What ends up happening is that you actually create lasting change in your life. It is easy to maintain a habit once it is developed.

But it takes so long!

This is what kept me from using this technique until now. I understand how it is hard to wait. You see the change you desire and want it now. So you make a major change and hit the ground running. The big question is how long will it last? A day or two? A week? How many times will you make the change only to fall back into bad habits? How long does that take?

It’s a marathon not a sprint

We need to change our mindset from instant gratification to long term gain. On the surface it looks like the slow and steady approach takes too long. It is only when you look to the future-and at our past failures-that we realize how quick this really is.

This is where your goal setting comes in. What do you want to accomplish or become? Break your goal into micro-goals. Prioritize those micro-goals and focus on changing one thing. Wait, this sounds awefuly familiar. This is continuous improvement on steroids!

My change…

For the next three weeks I will be focusing on one thing. I will start each day with a plan. Will I execute that plan? Will I procrastinate? Will I let minor things intrude? These questions don’t matter. Right now I am working on having a daily/weekly plan. I can work on my execution in a few weeks once I’ve developed this habit.

My challenge to you

What one change would have the biggest impact on your life? Is it to eat more consciously? Maybe you need to prioritize your to do list. Do you need to exercise daily? Should you start each day with a plan?

It’s Monday morning and you are ready for the final match of the week. You look back at the previous week and are amazed. What a ride it’s been…

Your first match
You start off slowly feeling out your opponent. You try a run and gun style of play only to go down 0-5 early in the first game. You reassess your game plan and adapt to your opponent. Slowly you dig yourself out of the hole and win the game 15-10. Now that you have figured him out you take control. You go up 13-2 in the second game before you get hit with his racket. You realize you have a limited time to finish things off before the pain sets in and the swelling starts. You dig deeply and push through to win the match. Two vicious serves and the match is yours.

And you have learned your lesson: don’t try and beat your opponent at his own game.

The next match
The next match isn’t as easy. The kid is half you age and is good. Your only hope is to play smarter and keep him moving. You go in with a game plan and start to execute. Keep the kid off balance. Change the pace. Make him move and keep the ball out of center court. Slow it down and make more defensive shots. Give him shots that are tempting but hard to hit. Let him make mistakes.

You win the game pretty easily. The kid keeps playing into your game and makes your job easy.

Game two is much harder as he adapts to your style of play. He takes an early lead and you can never quite get back into the game.

Now comes the tiebreaker. This is an epic battle-youth against wisdom! This kid gets to everything. Every point comes hard, but you start to assert your game plan and take control. It is hard, but you eventually prevail.

Quarterfinals
Now on to the quarterfinals. This time it is the opposite side of the age spectrum. Your opponent is 30 years your senior. He has been playing since before you were born. He has seen every trick in the book, and invented a few of them himself! This time your game plan is more like a blitzkrieg than a chess match. Hard and aggressive serves. Fast pace. Make him move and don’t give him time.

The first game is quick and easy. He tires easily and you start to ace him on your serve. He no longer gets to your shots, but nothing gets past you with your speed and agility.

The second game is harder. He doesn’t go down easy. Remember, he’s been doing this as long as you’ve been alive! This time wisdom isn’t enough to overcome youth and vigor. You win the match and move on.

Semifinals
Up until now you have been better than your opponent. This time it is different. He goes up early in the first game and puts you back onto your heals. You dig deep and stagger back. You are good at serving and start to pound him. Slowly you start to build momentum. You lose, but it wasn’t a blow out. He is dripping with sweat and exhausted. You are energized and take momentum into the second game.

Suddenly he starts playing like a different person. The shots he missed last game start hitting. He takes control and easily wins the match. He goes on to the finals. You go play for third place.

Back to Monday morning
It’s Monday morning and you are ready for the final match of the week. You have spent six days playing the best in the nation. You have been tested. You have been hit with rackets (and hit someone as well). Your body is worn and bruised but not beaten. You are focused, have a solid game plan, and are ready. Now is the time to execute.

Only your opponent doesn’t show up for the game. You win by default. You tell yourself that a win is a win, but it just doesn’t feel the same. There isn’t the rush of emotion that comes with a hard fought victory. It will always be in the back of your mind as you wonder how the game would have turned out. You feel deflated. Then you reflect on what you have achieved and learned. You look at the friends you have made. You remember the joy on your son’s face when he played the best game of his life. You remember the hurt when he lost a match he should have won.

Wow, what a week!

Last week I was honored to be able to play in US Racquetball Association’s National Singles Championship. I had a lot of fun meeting and playing with the best in the nation. Watching them in action was amazing, especially the players in better divisions.

All in all I am:

• Proud of my accomplishment. Last year I didn’t belong and it was apparent. This year I took third place.
• Exhausted. A week of racquetball is exhausting. The competition is so much higher at nationals and it requires you to play at an elevated level.
• In pain…Everywhere. It is easier to list the parts that don’t hurt. Everything from aching knees to sore hips to a bruised and swollen arm (a direct hit with a racket) to a tight back.
• Ready to get focused on work, my website, and my blog.

What did I learn?

One of my primary beliefs is that we should take time to savor our experiences and to learn the lessons that life is trying to teach us. Usually you can apply the lessons to most areas of you life.

• Learn from past mistakes: Last month I played in the Regional Qualifier (7 Ways Losers Win). While my skills had improved from last year my performance was less than satisfactory. One thing I did right was learn from the experience. This helped me win third in nationals which was a major achievement.
• Dig deep if you want to win: Often the winner is the last man able to stand. When I was in my second round match I was playing someone half my age. I had to dig deep into my reserves to pull off a victory. I was absolutely determined to win in spite of exhaustion, aches, and pains.This isn’t always a physical effort. Sometimes you need to dig deep emotionally to get yourself back into the game. Again, the determination to win is a key factor in sucess.
• Have a game plan: Having a game plan is critical if you want to win. Every win I had was based on having a plan and executing. I may have to adapt but that is part of my plan.My son learned this lesson as well. He was up against a national champion (juniors 14 and under) who’s parents were top ranked players. She had a professional coach. She had already beat a couple of his friends. We watched her play and evaluated her strengths and weaknesses. Based on this we came up with a game plan. In game one he just played his normal game…and lost. Then he got smart and executed his strategy. It was an amazing match to watch, and in the end he won.
• Take it one point at a time: Each and every point is a new challenge. Set aside the last shot and execute right now. 15 individual victories and you win the game. Win two games and you win the match. It doesn’t matter how many missed shots or lost points you experience as long as you win two out of three games!This applies to life as well. A successful life is a string of successful years. A successful year is a string of successful days. One bad day won’t ruin your life. Accept it, learn from it, and move on.
• Pause to enjoy the victory: Win the match? Sit back and relish it. Make a great shot? Let your exuberance show!This can also be other people’s victories. Several friends and my son were playing in the tournament as well. We cheered each other on every step of the way. It builds friendships. You give each other moral support. It makes the experience more fun. Their achievements mean almost as much to me as my own.
• Attitude: A good attitude always pays off. It helps keep you focused and executing your game plan. It gives you the determination to win in spite of setbacks. It shows good sportsmanship.This is another lesson my son learned. His biggest weakness is losing his mental focus and letting his opponent take his head out of the game. During is match with the 14 and under national champion, he kept his head in the game. Even though he lost the first game, he stayed focused. This allowed him to concentrate on executing his strategy. This allowed him to win the match.
• Learn from both your successes and failures: We often forget to learn from our wins. We get carried away on the emotional high and don’t take the time. Also, it is often easier to learn from losses. It gives your loss meaning and helps ease the pain.As well as I did, I still have a long way to go. I know where my game needs improvement. I will make steady progress throughout the year. I have several things to learn that will take my game to the next level. Next year I will test my skills and see how far I have improved.
• It isn’t all about winning: I enjoy winning but it isn’t why I play. I like meeting new people and making new friends. I like testing myself and having a way to measure my improvement.