Wealth and Wisdom

Year after year you see the same thing. As we approach the new year every blog you subscribe to will publish an article on setting New Years Resolutions. It doesn’t matter what their blog is about. Got a blog on toy dogs? How about collecting porcelain tea cups? They all find a way to incorporate New Years Resolutions!

I’m hear to tell you to stop. Enough is enough. Setting goals is vital to success but the standard New Years Resolution is counterproductive.

How most people do it

Most people sit down and in 10 minutes rip out a list of 10 things that the will change. I will stop smoking. I will lose 50 pounds. I will exercise every day and get in shape. I will work an extra 10 hours a week and get that promotion. The list goes on and on.

This list quickly gets buried under a mound of papers and doesn’t get seen again until six months down the road. One day you clean up the office and come across the list. Wow, this is good stuff. How much did I accomplish?

Nada!

Add insult to injury

Not only did you accomplish nothing with this foray into goal setting, you actually set yourself back. Now you have another example of how you can’t keep with a goal setting program. Every time you fail to stick to your New Years Resolutions you further entrench a lack of confidence. It quickly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and makes it easier to fail the following year.

There is a better way

No, I’m not trying to sell you a system. Any good goal setting program will tell you the same thing. At the heart of any good goal setting system are these five items.

Vision: Determine what kind of life you want to lead and what you want to achieve. Do you want to travel to exotic destinations? Do you want a beautiful house in the mountains? Do you want to meet the man (or woman) of your dreams? Write it all down then condense it into a compact statement.

One good goal setting metaphor is traveling across country. Your vision is your destination (in this case Seattle Washington). The more clearly you can see it the less likely you’ll end up in El Paso Texas!

Commitment and Desire: Now that you know what you want you need to emotionalize it. Don’t skip this step. Goals without the underlying desire are much harder to accomplish. Unless you can push through on willpower you’ll fall back into old habits.

Having a good vision makes this much easier. It’s hard to get excited by a goal like “no more smoking.” It is easy to stay committed if you can visualize the benefit. See your bank account growing. See yourself being more fit and athletic. Feel the pain of your current pattern to help drive you (this give you both the push and the pull).

Plan: You don’t have to write down every step. You don’t need to see the entire path. You just need to know the next few things that need done. This is where your actual goals come in. What do you need to accomplish in order to achieve your vision? Write them down. Be specific. Don’t say “I want to make more money.” Say “I want to make $250k a year before taxes running a website devoted to wealth and life balance through entrepreneurship. I will achieve this no later than 12/31/2009 and will devote 10 hours a week to developing content.”

Going back to our goal setting metaphor, your plan is your route. It is a step by step path. You don’t have to know every mile of the way but you better know your next turn!

Repetition: Wake up 10 minutes early and see your vision. Then get up and read your vision and goals. Do this also before you go to bed.

This accomplishes two things. First, it keeps you focused on your goals. It keeps you on track and keeps your goals in front of you. Second, it drives your goals into your subconscious. It is much easier to keep on track if you don’t always have to be thinking about it. Let your subconscious do the work!

Using our goal setting metaphor, this is going over your plan several times to make sure you stay on track. The better you know your route and destination the easier the trip is.

Review: Review your progress weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly. How have you done with your goals? Do you need to revise them? Do you need to set new goals? Is your vision still accurate?

How does this apply to our metaphor? As you drive you are constantly receiving feedback. You review your progress to determine if a change is needed. Maybe you need to call and let someone know you will be early. Maybe you need to plan an overnight stop. Maybe you need to change your route to go around a traffic jam.

Tools to help

I’ve used several goal setting systems in the past. All of them are good. Each has their own strengths and weaknesses. Many are part of larger self-help systems. Tony Robbins, Stephen Covey, etc all cover goals.

Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill: This is the original self help book and is still just as valid today. If I had just one book on achieving your goals to recommend it would be this. It has made more people millionaires than any other book, course, or system.

Goals! by Brian Tracy: This is a full featured goal setting program. If you don’t already have a vision or you are new to effective goal setting this is the product for you.

For years I’ve been shifting my focus away from conventional productivity. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with getting things done as quickly as possible. I strive to maximize my output. The problem is that most productivity gurus (and blogs) focus on productivity as the end result.

What they miss (and I include David Allen’s Getting Things Done [GTD] in this) is a holistic view. It doesn’t matter how much you do if it doesn’t support a balanced life. Who cares if you cross off a ton of to do items if they are not focused on achieving your goals. They also tend to create a situation where the system (and the underlying technologies and techniques) become more important than achievement.

Most productivity experts mention having a long range view. The challenge is that this is given only lip service. Some (David Allen comes to mind) actually say it is better to use a first in first out approach and not worry about priorities. What ends up happening is you get buried in doing work that does little to move you forward. Using the 80/20 rule you end up focusing on the 80% of the tasks that only give you 20% of your results. Remember, these are often the tasks that “shout” at you.

Recently I’ve started seeing a shift from this task based viewpoint. The first move I saw was from Leo Babauta. He distilled GTD into a lean and minimalistic version called Zen to Done. I liked how he simplified GTD. To be blunt this is a better product for most people. At $10 it is highly recommended.

Merlin Mann (43Folders) also has taken a profound change in direction. He is changing the focus of his blog from productivity to accomplishment. Since he was the one of the original and most vocal bloggers about GTD this is a major event.

A great article on this was written this week by Dustin Wax at Lifehack.org. Toward a New Vision of Productivity is the first part of a 12 part series on the future of productivity. It does a great job examining this shift and covers it from a broader perspecive than mine!

I apologize I haven’t posted for so long. I’m not going into the details but my family suffered a profound loss several weeks ago. We were dealing with our grief and focused on supporting each other. This is true to my belief in life balance - believe it or not some things are more important than business!

This was compounded by a previously scheduled vacation-a full week without phone, internet, or email. While this added another week without a post it was a timely break. The time off gave us a chance to clear our heads and think. We gave a lot of thought to our lives and the direction we were taking.

One area that we will be changing is Wealth and Wisdom. Don’t worry, we won’t be shutting down or changing our focus. We’ll just be giving this blog-and the underlying business-more attention. You-our loyal readers-deserve no less.

I was at lunch with an old friend the other day and the conversation turned to college. Len had the dubious honor of having his two daughters attend Baylor. While the school is top notch it is by no means affordable. Even with merit scholarships the cost was staggering. The thing that was causing the most stress was that his oldest daughter was nearing graduation. Instead of entering the workforce she was asking to continue and get her masters degree.

After discussing it for a while I asked Len point blank “if you were interviewing her would the degree make much of a difference?” We both focused on our lunches while he mulled things over. After a minute or two he looked up and said “you know, I don’t think it would matter that much. The degree is important but I look at the person more than the school. I would rather see real world experience than a masters degree. An advanced degree means much more when it comes after they have some experience.”

This got me thinking about my own experience. I truly value my education. I know having both a BS in business and in engineering has opened doors. In spite of that I have found my experience makes me stand out and helped me the most.

It also got me thinking about whether the traditional college degree is worth it. There is no doubt you will earn more with a degree. What I question is whether a prestigous degree is truely worth more in the long run. The studies I’ve seen don’t show much of a salary increase. It defininitely doesn’t appear to justify the significantly higher price!

These questions gain even more importance in light of the economy. If the job market tightens you may need every advantage you can get. Having a degree may be necessary to keep up let alone get ahead. It also is a time where money is tight. College can become a financial burden that breaks you, so how do you get a needed education without going bankrupt?

What is your experience? Have you seen a difference because of an advanced degree? In your experience does a degree from an elite institution have enough value to justify the cost? What about alternatives like attending community college for two years and transfering to a four year university? What about distance learning programs. I’m not talking about degree mills, I talking about fully accredited programs.

The other day a neighbor gave us a backhanded complement.

You are so lucky that your children are well behaved

This drives me nuts as chance has nothing to do with their behavior. It is the decade and a half of parenting that created polite/well adjusted children. It is simple though sometimes not easy. We set boundaries and expectations. When these are violated there are consequences. This is done is a loving manner and is wildly effective.

I hear this in other areas of my life as well. You are so lucky to have such a great customer base. You are so luck to have such a great family. You are so lucky to be in such good shape. I can’t believe you always get lucky and beat me at racquetball.

The key thing that these people don’t understand is that my luck has nothing to do with chance.

Wise advise from a mentor

Years ago I got some strange advice from a friend. Ironically I had just told him that I envied his luck (he had just landed a sweet promotion). “Brandt, you make your own luck. Remember, luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”

Since then I have heard this mantra from almost every productivity/self-help guru. It has been a keystone to my sucess. I truely believe it is a basic fact of life.

A (not so) secret to my success

It isn’t just parenting that I’ve applied this concept. I try and do it in all aspects of my life.

In sales I quickly evaluate the customer and determine if we are a good fit. If we are I make deep connections at all levels of the company. I help them develop their projects. I earn their business months before a purchase is made. I follow up and make sure projects stay on track.

I’m healthy and in good shape because I take steps every day to ensure this. I exercise daily. I eat a healthy diet (though I’m a bit addicted to ice cream). I do my best to rest and relax on a regular basis. I have a plan to continually improve my fitness level.

In racquetball I have gone from being a novice to being a sponsored “B” player who won third in nationals this year. I evaluate my game and determine where I need improvements. I practice several times a week and focus on improving one area at a time.

Yep. It’s luck!

A while back I wrote a post on making small changes. The theory was to make small but important changes and spend 3 - 4 weeks building them into a habit. Only when they are part of your routine do you move on to the next change.

The individual effect of each change may be small but they snowball and have a profound effect over time. One example is getting in shape. It really is a series of changes:

• Diet: Take your pick of low carb/high protein, low fat, watching your calories, or just eating healthy. Heck, this alone is several change.
  • Eating multiple meals
  • Eating quality food
  • Changing the composition of your diet
  • Controlling portion size
  • Dealing with cravings
• Exercise: Again, this is several changes.
  • Getting up early to exercise before work
  • Lifting weights to increase lean body mass
  • Aerobic exercise to increase lung capacity and burn calories (I prefer intervals)
  • Stretching to increase range of motion and prevent injury
• Lifestyle changes to lead a more healthy and active life
  • Picking up a sport you enjoy
  • Walking and taking the stairs more often
  • Spending more time outside in the sun
  • Eliminating unhealthy activities (bar hopping comes to mind)

Is it any wonder people quit after a few weeks? This is a lot for a person to change all at once!

My changes

The first month I committed to starting each day with a plan. Note I said nothing about execution or setting up an elaborate system. Just a simple list of what I wanted to accomplish. For two weeks I was spot on. Week three saw me in the middle of a major household project as we installed hardwood flooring throughout our downstairs. While I didn’t start each day with a plan I knew what I would be doing! Week four was on target again.

While my execution was less than perfect this was not what I was focusing on. Even with imperfect execution I saw a significant increase in productivity.

Last month I focused on starting each day with a workout. I kind of cheated on this as I also introduced two changes: getting up an hour early and an intense workout routine. This quickly sorted itself out as I dropped the early to rise part!

All in all I was diligent with this change. I missed one day completely, but that was planned and not an issue. I skipped my Kenpo workout since I had a racquetball tournament. I figured the three hours of exercise more than made up any I skipped!

What’s next?

This month is all about organization. We tore apart our home office to be more organized and efficient. I have implemented a Get Things Done (GTD) approach to my day. No this is not two changes. The office was a project we had been planning for quite some time. Only when it was completed did I make the next change!

My plan is not to become a GTD disciple. It is to get the work flow under control. It is to gain a level of structure and order. I ultimately will be doing a top down approach (most likely 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I truly believe we are more effective when we focus on what is important not just what is on our list. It just becomes challenging when you are dealing with a massive influx of information, tasks, and projects.

My modification

I also applied this to my racquetball game. Since this was a discrete area of my life I made the changes in parallel to the ones above. What did I change? The first month I worked on my shot selection. The end result was my taking second in a regional tournament.

Last month I reworked my swing. This one took it’s tole on my game and it was only after several weeks that I was back to where I started. In the long run it will have a profound impact on my game as I become more familiar with hitting the ball right!

This month I’ll be working on footwork.

What about you?

Did you make any changes? Why not? Think of how far this one idea can take you. In one year you would make 12 important changes that could change your life.

I attended the funeral of a customer yesterday. It is never an easy thing to do.

I would say friend but that is a term I save for those closest to me. I knew him well but in a business sense. He did a great job segregating his life and this fit my personality well. Today I’m left with the specter of this and will never get a chance to see the other side of him first hand.

Normally I change names to protect the innocent. I’m not doing this today in his honor and memory.

9 observations from a funeral

1) Mitch had many friends

I was stunned by how many people came to say goodbye. I can only hope that when it is my turn I am so lucky.

2) I knew so little about him

Mitch and I knew each other pretty well. What I found amazing was hearing the stories told by family and friends. As well as I knew him it only scratched the surface.

3) 80% of what was said about him was work related

Mitch led a full life but it shocked me how much of it was work related.

4) He was deeply devoted to his family

Story after story were told about how he was such a generous uncle/father/brother/son/husband. He deeply touched so many people and left his mark on this world.

5) His death could have been avoided

Mitch never exercised and love to eat well. Contributing to his health problems was his work and lifestyle. For almost 30 years Mitch worked behind a desk or eating with a customer.

6) No mother should bury her son.

7) Jack had a hole in his jacket

My mind latched onto this minor point as an attempt to escape the pain and sorrow. It is amazing how hard our mind will work to avoid pain.

8) His sister asked us to celebrate his life and not mourn his death

I want to be remembered for the things I did and accomplished. I want to be remembered for my good heart. I want my family to remember me for being a good husband and father.

9) Funerals are for the survivors

Mitch is dead and gone. I know he would have preferred a bunch of smaller gatherings filled with good wine, great food, and his close friends and family.

But that isn’t what his friends and family needed. They needed closure and a chance to say goodbye.

What I learned

• To love my family deeply
• To balance my life
• To create deep friendships
• To be as healthy as I can
• To live each day fully
• To get to know my customers even better

I’m a people watcher. I love watching the interplay-and conflicts-that arise due to different personality styles.

It is especially fun to watch people like Mack and Bill at meetings.

Mack is a pragmatic New Yorker with no patience for anything that gets in the way of making a decision. Just give me the facts is one of his catchphrases.

Bill is a southerner through and through. As an amiable he is more interested in how it would affect his workers. Adding fuel to the fire is his need to answer any question with a drawn out w e l l .

After a few minutes of frustration on both sides I step in.

How do I talk to two people with entirely different needs?

Bill and Mack speak different languages. I’m not talking about languages like Swedish and Russian. I’m talking about how they process information and make decisions.

First I identified their personality styles so I understood how to address individual needs. In this case Mack is looking for facts and data in a concise form. Bill is looking for emotional information in detail.

Once I know how they think and what they need it is relatively easy to match their style. With a little practice this becomes second nature.

It’s not just for salesmen and managers…

People often avoid learning communication skills because they don’t feel they need it for their jobs.

“I’m an estimator not a salesman.”

“I’m not is customer service.”

“I’m just a worker bee.”

They miss the point that this is a skill that will improve every aspect of your life.

• Is your husband driving you nuts with excessive details (get on with it already!)?
• Do you find it irritating that your friend makes flighty decisions based on emotion but no facts?
• Does your boss drive you crazy by coming up with wild new plans but never following through
• Does your coworker cut you off mid explanation and tell you to get to the point?

Chances are good that this conflict is a direct result of different personality styles. Each style has different needs, both in the amount and the type of information. Once you learn to understand this you can figure out more effective ways to communicate.

For example: my wife is a pragmatic and I am an analytical. I’ve learned to give her an executive summary. If she needs more info she will ask for it.

We’ve learned to accept and accommodate each other’s styles and needs. Over time we’ve come to appreciate our different approaches and how they complement each other.

She has likewise learned to accept my need for data. She knows I need to research things before I decide. While her quick decisions are usually right there have been several occasions where I have saved us from making serious mistakes.

Four personality styles

Most people don’t fall completely into one category, but they do tend to have one overriding tendency. One of the easiest ways to visualize the differences between personalities is to put them on a graph. The vertical axis is their decision making criteria (data or feelings). The horizontal axis is their assertiveness.

• Analytical:
  • Traits: Systematic, organized, and deliberate. Analyticals need facts and data. Logic prevails over emotion. They like systems and procedures. Analyticals are slow to make decisions (paralysis by analysis) but decisions are extremely sound. Dependable workers they tend to be independent and not work well in teams.
  • Typical careers: programmers, engineers, and accountants.
  • Goal: intellectual recognition
  • Keyword: Thinking
  • Favorite question is what?
  • Pro: precise, methodical, organized, rational, detail oriented
  • con: critical, formal, uncertain, judgmental, picky
  • Bottom line: want things done right.
• Pragmatic:
  • Traits: Tends to be leaders. Often called drivers they are practical and focused on results. Pragmatics are direct, to the point, and do a lot in a short time. They are decisive, driven, and results driven. Pragmatics have compassion for the truly disadvantaged but no patience for “lazy whiners.”
  • Typical careers: manager, lawyer, banker
  • Goal: find practical solutions to problems
  • Keyword: results
  • Favorite question is how?
  • pro: persistent, independent, decision maker, effective, strong willed
  • con: aggressive, strict, intense, relentless, rigid
  • Bottom line: produce results in a practical manner.
• Amiable:
  • Traits: Dependable, loyal, and easy going. They like things that are non-threatening and friendly. Amiables hate facts and details because they are cold and impersonal. Warm, sensitive, and wishy-washy. Amiables are rarely leaders but tend to make great followers and team players.
  • Typical careers: HR manager, social worker, physical therapist, counselor
  • Goal: create harmony and cooperation
  • Keyword: feelings
  • Favorite question is why?
  • pros: cooperative, dependable, warm, listener, negotiator
  • cons: undisciplined, dependent, submissive, overly cautious, conforming
  • Bottom line: things need to be done harmoniously and they need to be personally involved.
• Extrovert:
  • Traits: Outgoing, enthusiastic, and high energy. Extroverts are great idea generators without follow through. They enjoy helping and socializing. Talker, overly dramatic, impulsive, and manipulative. Money motivated. They tend to direct and control not ask and listen.
  • Typical careers: politician, musician, sales
  • Goals: making things happen by turning ideas into action
  • Keyword: action
  • Favorite question is What if?
  • pro: enthusiastic, persuasive, outgoing, positive, communicator
  • cons: ego centered, emotional, exploitive, opinionated, reacting.
  • Bottom line: things done with a sense of drama and style.

Conflicts due to personality styles

Amiable vs. Analytical
—-
Pragmatic vs. Extrovert

The challenge with these personality style interacts is the type of information needed. Amiables and extroverts make decisions based on emotions and feelings. Analyticals and pragmatics need cold hard facts.

Analytical vs. Pragmatic
—-
Extrovert vs. Amiable

The conflict comes from the amount of information needed. Analyticals and amiables need an endless supply of information. Pragmatics and extroverts need just enough to make the decision (anything more and they have already moved on).

Amiable vs. Pragmatic
—-
Analytical vs. Extrovert

The conflict is much worse with these match ups. In these cases you have a mismatch with both the type and amount of information.

So how do I apply this to my life?

Start with the people closest to you. These are the people you know best and interact with the most. This both makes it easier (because you know them so well) and increases the impact on your life. Once you have mastered this start applying it to other people you meet. With practice and time this will become automatic.

Once you have identified their personality style you need to start addressing their needs. Remember the basics:

• Analyticals and pragmatics need data. Emotions and feelings count but are data points.
• Amiables and extroverts focus on emotions and feelings. Cold hard facts have little meaning to them.
• Analyticals and amiables need time and information to make decisions.
• Pragmatics and extroverts make quick decisions. Don’t overload them with information unless they ask for more.

Is this manipulation?

No!

All you are learning to do is be more considerate. You are essentially giving others what they want most and dealing with them on their terms.

• All things being equal the one who wants it the most usually wins: During the racquetball tournament last weekend I beat several people who were as good as me. One probably was better. In the end I wanted it more and took second place.
• Usually the better player wins: I lost the final match to a player who spanked me. No matter how hard I played I just couldn’t overcome his superior skills.
• Basic skills do matter: My back hurts. I almost couldn’t walk. It is time I go back to basics and work on my swing mechanics and footwork. I’m using my back too much and my court movement is mediocre. I will not improve any further until I make changes.
• Some people are better sports than others: Most of the guys at the tournament were pretty cool. A couple were grade a jerks. Guess who I enjoyed beating? Guess who I’ll go out of my way to talk to next month?
• Even if you have 16 available hours a day to get things done you can still only accomplish so much: I had a lot of stuff go on over the last couple weeks. No matter how hard I tried it was just too much for one person. You need to know your limits and learn to say no.
• My abdominals hurt: Why oh why did I start my new workout regime? Oh, I remember. I’m tired of being in good shape. I want to be in the best shape of my life. Not so the girls ohh and ahh. It’s so I can:
  • Be the best I can be. \
  • Stay healthy as I get older (I’m approaching a milestone).
  • Set a good example for my kids.
  • Have more energy.
  • Be the best racquetball player and athlete I can.
• Do the right things and good things happen: I have several areas of my life where I am focusing on the basics and doing the right things to the best of my ability. As a natural consequence good things are happening:
  • I am in the top 5% of salesmen in my company and improving.
  • Our subscribers at Wealth and Wisdom are growing around 9% a week.
  • I just had a comment that touched me deeply. Missy read How to respond when your family asks for money and it hit a nerve. It fit her life and was wisdom she needed.
  • My racquetball game is improving and I just was offered (and I accepted) a sponsorship.
  • UCLA has requested to use some of my work at their business school and career center.

Have a good weekend

I personaly plan on shutting down the computer and not firing it back up until Monday. Yes, I’m taking a media vacation. Don’t worry, I’ll be back raring to go on Monday!

QBQ! The Question Behind the Question

John G. Miller. Putnam Publishing Group 2004, Hardcover, 128 pages, $8.10

Personal responsibility isn’t a new topic. It is a core topic for every self help and business guru’s system. Whether you are an entrepreneur or trying to make changes in your personal life responsibility is a key to success.

In QBQ John Miller takes a unique approach to this old topic. He looks at the questions we ask continuously throughout the day. Some we ask out loud: “When are you finally going to finish your project?” Some we ask ourselves: “Why does my boss always say one thing and do another?”

These questions are at the root of personal responsibility. A powerful question leads to action and improvement. A weak question leads to blame and procrastination. By becoming conscious of our internal and external dialog we become more effective. We become change agents. We become better leaders.

In a nutshell we make better choices moment to moment by asking better questions.

3 Guidelines to good questions

• The question must begin with a “what” or “how”
  • Leads to solutions.
  • Don’t ask why: Why is the word of victims. Why me? Why didn’t he finish on time? Why doesn’t he spend more time on my needs? This does nothing to solve the problem. It only adds to stress and worry.
  • Don’t ask when: When implies we have no control over the schedule. This leads to a loss of control and to procrastination.
  • Don’t ask Who: Who is the language of blame. You are basically looking for a scapegoat and it leads to finger pointing. John uses the old phrase “a poor sailor blames the wind.” This could be changed to fit any situation. For example, “a poor manager blames his workers.”
• The question must contain an I
  • I can change only me: The key is to focus on what you can control. Your circle of influence begins with yourself. This is where you have the most influence. You can’t change others. You often can’t control events. It is only our thoughts and actions that we can really control.
  • Take ownership of the situation. Fix the problem and stop trying to blame others.
  • Have integrity: your actions and words must match. This means that you must do what you are asking of your employees. Also, what you say in the office and in your personal life need to match. If you can’t, you either need to enact change or find another place to work. Believe or leave. You must have integrity. What you say in the office and away need to match.

• The question must focus on action
  • People avoid action due to the perceived risk. Remember, there is risk in inaction as well.
  • Action solves the problem and moves things forward.
  • Action leads to learning and growth.
  • Action leads us toward solutions while inaction holds us in the past
  • Action requires courage while inaction is caused by fear.
  • Action builds confidence while inaction destroys it.

What if I’m not in a leadership position?

Leadership begins with personal accountability. He asserts that leaders can be found at all levels. It is something we see in sports all the time. There is often a critical player that helps make everyone else better. It is often a mid level role player, not the star or the team captain.

We see the same things in the businesss world as well. Look in any group and someone always stands out. This person is usually the go to guy (or gal) in the department. The interesting thing is that senority is not the main factor. It is the person who tends to find solutions.

In conclusion

I recommend this book to anyone looking to be more effective or who wants to be a better leader. All in all this is a well written book. The ideas are thought provoking and can be easily applied to all areas of your life. While it is a quick read John comprehensively covers the topic.