Wealth and Wisdom

Smart money wrote a great article that was forwarded to me yesterday. In 10 Things Millionaires Won’t Tell You they debunk several myths. It is verry millionaire next door and shows how much millionaires are like you and I.

Several things jumped out at me:

• Most got rich by owning their own business.
• They still display financial responsibility and don’t like to overpay.
• They spend money on what matters. While some spending is for pleasure most is to grow their wealth.
• It is all relative. To you and I $1M may be a lot of money. To millionaires it just means they don’t make enough to join that elite country club. And just because they make more than the Joneses doesn’t mean they aren’t competing with the Hiltons!
• Ownership doesn’t matter, control of assets does.
• The top 1% may pay 40% of the total income taxes, but their business deductions tend to drive down their total tax bill.
• Money may not buy happiness but it sure does make it easier!
• Education is important but hard work is vital. Also, Ivy League educations are not what made them rich.
• They use personal concierges and assistants. This is something I need to research!

One thing I disagreed with is “You don’t get rich by being nice.” Being friendly and having common courtasy is critical for sucess and business. In fact, most sucessful and rich people I know are also the most friendly and helpful.

Just because you are nice doesn’t mean you are a pushover. A more accurate statement would be “You don’t get rich by being a sap.”

A while back I wrote a post on making small changes. The theory was to make small but important changes and spend 3 – 4 weeks building them into a habit. Only when they are part of your routine do you move on to the next change.

The individual effect of each change may be small but they snowball and have a profound effect over time. One example is getting in shape. It really is a series of changes:

• Diet: Take your pick of low carb/high protein, low fat, watching your calories, or just eating healthy. Heck, this alone is several change.
  • Eating multiple meals
  • Eating quality food
  • Changing the composition of your diet
  • Controlling portion size
  • Dealing with cravings
• Exercise: Again, this is several changes.
  • Getting up early to exercise before work
  • Lifting weights to increase lean body mass
  • Aerobic exercise to increase lung capacity and burn calories (I prefer intervals)
  • Stretching to increase range of motion and prevent injury
• Lifestyle changes to lead a more healthy and active life
  • Picking up a sport you enjoy
  • Walking and taking the stairs more often
  • Spending more time outside in the sun
  • Eliminating unhealthy activities (bar hopping comes to mind)

Is it any wonder people quit after a few weeks? This is a lot for a person to change all at once!

My changes

The first month I committed to starting each day with a plan. Note I said nothing about execution or setting up an elaborate system. Just a simple list of what I wanted to accomplish. For two weeks I was spot on. Week three saw me in the middle of a major household project as we installed hardwood flooring throughout our downstairs. While I didn’t start each day with a plan I knew what I would be doing! Week four was on target again.

While my execution was less than perfect this was not what I was focusing on. Even with imperfect execution I saw a significant increase in productivity.

Last month I focused on starting each day with a workout. I kind of cheated on this as I also introduced two changes: getting up an hour early and an intense workout routine. This quickly sorted itself out as I dropped the early to rise part!

All in all I was diligent with this change. I missed one day completely, but that was planned and not an issue. I skipped my Kenpo workout since I had a racquetball tournament. I figured the three hours of exercise more than made up any I skipped!

What’s next?

This month is all about organization. We tore apart our home office to be more organized and efficient. I have implemented a Get Things Done (GTD) approach to my day. No this is not two changes. The office was a project we had been planning for quite some time. Only when it was completed did I make the next change!

My plan is not to become a GTD disciple. It is to get the work flow under control. It is to gain a level of structure and order. I ultimately will be doing a top down approach (most likely 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I truly believe we are more effective when we focus on what is important not just what is on our list. It just becomes challenging when you are dealing with a massive influx of information, tasks, and projects.

My modification

I also applied this to my racquetball game. Since this was a discrete area of my life I made the changes in parallel to the ones above. What did I change? The first month I worked on my shot selection. The end result was my taking second in a regional tournament.

Last month I reworked my swing. This one took it’s tole on my game and it was only after several weeks that I was back to where I started. In the long run it will have a profound impact on my game as I become more familiar with hitting the ball right!

This month I’ll be working on footwork.

What about you?

Did you make any changes? Why not? Think of how far this one idea can take you. In one year you would make 12 important changes that could change your life.

I attended the funeral of a customer yesterday. It is never an easy thing to do.

I would say friend but that is a term I save for those closest to me. I knew him well but in a business sense. He did a great job segregating his life and this fit my personality well. Today I’m left with the specter of this and will never get a chance to see the other side of him first hand.

Normally I change names to protect the innocent. I’m not doing this today in his honor and memory.

9 observations from a funeral

1) Mitch had many friends

I was stunned by how many people came to say goodbye. I can only hope that when it is my turn I am so lucky.

2) I knew so little about him

Mitch and I knew each other pretty well. What I found amazing was hearing the stories told by family and friends. As well as I knew him it only scratched the surface.

3) 80% of what was said about him was work related

Mitch led a full life but it shocked me how much of it was work related.

4) He was deeply devoted to his family

Story after story were told about how he was such a generous uncle/father/brother/son/husband. He deeply touched so many people and left his mark on this world.

5) His death could have been avoided

Mitch never exercised and love to eat well. Contributing to his health problems was his work and lifestyle. For almost 30 years Mitch worked behind a desk or eating with a customer.

6) No mother should bury her son.

7) Jack had a hole in his jacket

My mind latched onto this minor point as an attempt to escape the pain and sorrow. It is amazing how hard our mind will work to avoid pain.

8) His sister asked us to celebrate his life and not mourn his death

I want to be remembered for the things I did and accomplished. I want to be remembered for my good heart. I want my family to remember me for being a good husband and father.

9) Funerals are for the survivors

Mitch is dead and gone. I know he would have preferred a bunch of smaller gatherings filled with good wine, great food, and his close friends and family.

But that isn’t what his friends and family needed. They needed closure and a chance to say goodbye.

What I learned

• To love my family deeply
• To balance my life
• To create deep friendships
• To be as healthy as I can
• To live each day fully
• To get to know my customers even better

I’m a people watcher. I love watching the interplay-and conflicts-that arise due to different personality styles.

It is especially fun to watch people like Mack and Bill at meetings.

Mack is a pragmatic New Yorker with no patience for anything that gets in the way of making a decision. Just give me the facts is one of his catchphrases.

Bill is a southerner through and through. As an amiable he is more interested in how it would affect his workers. Adding fuel to the fire is his need to answer any question with a drawn out w e l l .

After a few minutes of frustration on both sides I step in.

How do I talk to two people with entirely different needs?

Bill and Mack speak different languages. I’m not talking about languages like Swedish and Russian. I’m talking about how they process information and make decisions.

First I identified their personality styles so I understood how to address individual needs. In this case Mack is looking for facts and data in a concise form. Bill is looking for emotional information in detail.

Once I know how they think and what they need it is relatively easy to match their style. With a little practice this becomes second nature.

It’s not just for salesmen and managers…

People often avoid learning communication skills because they don’t feel they need it for their jobs.

“I’m an estimator not a salesman.”

“I’m not is customer service.”

“I’m just a worker bee.”

They miss the point that this is a skill that will improve every aspect of your life.

• Is your husband driving you nuts with excessive details (get on with it already!)?
• Do you find it irritating that your friend makes flighty decisions based on emotion but no facts?
• Does your boss drive you crazy by coming up with wild new plans but never following through
• Does your coworker cut you off mid explanation and tell you to get to the point?

Chances are good that this conflict is a direct result of different personality styles. Each style has different needs, both in the amount and the type of information. Once you learn to understand this you can figure out more effective ways to communicate.

For example: my wife is a pragmatic and I am an analytical. I’ve learned to give her an executive summary. If she needs more info she will ask for it.

We’ve learned to accept and accommodate each other’s styles and needs. Over time we’ve come to appreciate our different approaches and how they complement each other.

She has likewise learned to accept my need for data. She knows I need to research things before I decide. While her quick decisions are usually right there have been several occasions where I have saved us from making serious mistakes.

Four personality styles

Most people don’t fall completely into one category, but they do tend to have one overriding tendency. One of the easiest ways to visualize the differences between personalities is to put them on a graph. The vertical axis is their decision making criteria (data or feelings). The horizontal axis is their assertiveness.

• Analytical:
  • Traits: Systematic, organized, and deliberate. Analyticals need facts and data. Logic prevails over emotion. They like systems and procedures. Analyticals are slow to make decisions (paralysis by analysis) but decisions are extremely sound. Dependable workers they tend to be independent and not work well in teams.
  • Typical careers: programmers, engineers, and accountants.
  • Goal: intellectual recognition
  • Keyword: Thinking
  • Favorite question is what?
  • Pro: precise, methodical, organized, rational, detail oriented
  • con: critical, formal, uncertain, judgmental, picky
  • Bottom line: want things done right.
• Pragmatic:
  • Traits: Tends to be leaders. Often called drivers they are practical and focused on results. Pragmatics are direct, to the point, and do a lot in a short time. They are decisive, driven, and results driven. Pragmatics have compassion for the truly disadvantaged but no patience for “lazy whiners.”
  • Typical careers: manager, lawyer, banker
  • Goal: find practical solutions to problems
  • Keyword: results
  • Favorite question is how?
  • pro: persistent, independent, decision maker, effective, strong willed
  • con: aggressive, strict, intense, relentless, rigid
  • Bottom line: produce results in a practical manner.
• Amiable:
  • Traits: Dependable, loyal, and easy going. They like things that are non-threatening and friendly. Amiables hate facts and details because they are cold and impersonal. Warm, sensitive, and wishy-washy. Amiables are rarely leaders but tend to make great followers and team players.
  • Typical careers: HR manager, social worker, physical therapist, counselor
  • Goal: create harmony and cooperation
  • Keyword: feelings
  • Favorite question is why?
  • pros: cooperative, dependable, warm, listener, negotiator
  • cons: undisciplined, dependent, submissive, overly cautious, conforming
  • Bottom line: things need to be done harmoniously and they need to be personally involved.
• Extrovert:
  • Traits: Outgoing, enthusiastic, and high energy. Extroverts are great idea generators without follow through. They enjoy helping and socializing. Talker, overly dramatic, impulsive, and manipulative. Money motivated. They tend to direct and control not ask and listen.
  • Typical careers: politician, musician, sales
  • Goals: making things happen by turning ideas into action
  • Keyword: action
  • Favorite question is What if?
  • pro: enthusiastic, persuasive, outgoing, positive, communicator
  • cons: ego centered, emotional, exploitive, opinionated, reacting.
  • Bottom line: things done with a sense of drama and style.

Conflicts due to personality styles

Amiable vs. Analytical
—-
Pragmatic vs. Extrovert

The challenge with these personality style interacts is the type of information needed. Amiables and extroverts make decisions based on emotions and feelings. Analyticals and pragmatics need cold hard facts.

Analytical vs. Pragmatic
—-
Extrovert vs. Amiable

The conflict comes from the amount of information needed. Analyticals and amiables need an endless supply of information. Pragmatics and extroverts need just enough to make the decision (anything more and they have already moved on).

Amiable vs. Pragmatic
—-
Analytical vs. Extrovert

The conflict is much worse with these match ups. In these cases you have a mismatch with both the type and amount of information.

So how do I apply this to my life?

Start with the people closest to you. These are the people you know best and interact with the most. This both makes it easier (because you know them so well) and increases the impact on your life. Once you have mastered this start applying it to other people you meet. With practice and time this will become automatic.

Once you have identified their personality style you need to start addressing their needs. Remember the basics:

• Analyticals and pragmatics need data. Emotions and feelings count but are data points.
• Amiables and extroverts focus on emotions and feelings. Cold hard facts have little meaning to them.
• Analyticals and amiables need time and information to make decisions.
• Pragmatics and extroverts make quick decisions. Don’t overload them with information unless they ask for more.

Is this manipulation?

No!

All you are learning to do is be more considerate. You are essentially giving others what they want most and dealing with them on their terms.